This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
