oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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