so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
