my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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