He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
