I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
