I'm jealous of your bromance
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
