Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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