Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
