On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
