We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
