I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
