Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
