i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I am one with the molecules
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
