dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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