Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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