I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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