New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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