It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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