i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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