How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
