Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
