Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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