Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish I only lived at night.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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