weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize