Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
