After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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