I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
pray to the hookup gods
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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