Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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