the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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