I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
