my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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