My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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