Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Im part way to drunk.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
