i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So squirting runs in the family.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
