she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
