he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
