So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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