Porn is love you can see.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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