You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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