I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
