Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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