i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
