im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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