remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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