Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
