You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
