i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
