"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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