drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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