I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
