I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
