i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
