he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
