spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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