I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
