You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize