she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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