i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
