Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
