He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
