ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
