dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize