exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize