Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
