Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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