We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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