I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
