he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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