the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize