Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
