Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
