It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's shark week go big or go home
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
