you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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