you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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