I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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