so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
