I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
