Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
