I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she peed on how many people?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
