guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
so much tequila, so little girl.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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