She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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