I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
